Tips for helping someone to talk about things

It takes a lot of courage to talk about being sexually assaulted or abused. Here are some tips if a friend wants to talk to you:

Sexual assault

Generally speaking, sexual assault is any type of unwanted sexual behaviour that makes someone feel uncomfortable, intimidated or afraid.

What is child abuse?

Child abuse is when children or young people are harmed, not protected or not taken care of. Child abuse can happen in many ways, for example: Physical abuse, Emotional abuse, Sexual abuse, Neglect.

  • Find time to be alone with them so they can talk without being interrupted.
  • Don’t worry about what to say. Just listen and believe what they tell you. Don’t offer advice unless they ask you for it, and even then be careful what you say.
  • It is awful to hear that someone you love has been hurt. But don’t look away - make eye contact and show your support. Nod your head sometimes to show you are listening. Show you care in whatever way feels comfortable to you.
  • Silences or long pauses can feel uncomfortable. It’s okay to just sit with them. Let your friend take their time to tell you whatever they want to.
  • If they seem to be stuck for words, try repeating back what they’ve already said, to help them.
  • Let them know the assault or abuse was not their fault. If a child is sexually assaulted, it is never their fault. Remember that sexual assault is against the law.
  • Do not say: “Why didn’t you scream?” or “Why didn’t you tell someone sooner?”
  • It may help to say: “That must have been so frightening”, or “It must be so hard to talk about this”, or “This was not your fault”.
  • Don’t tell anyone else about what your friend has told you. Your friend should decide who knows. You can encourage them to tell a trusted adult who can help arrange professional support. (See: Who, how and what to tell?)
  • Afterwards, if you are worried about what your friend told you, you could call the Sexual Assault Crisis Line: 1800 806 292 or the Kids Help Line: 1800 55 1800.

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For more information

For more information about this or to contact the South Eastern Centre Against Sexual Assault go to the SECASA website.